*Is Excited*

Alright, so, where do I start? Today is, well, Thursday, less than two hours left at work, and then it's a four day weekend for me (yay!). So, after two weeks of planning, it looks like Susan, Telle, Jay, and I are taking off for Waiporous for a weekend of camping. We just have to do some grocery shopping tonight, and pick up some more booze (we already have about $400 worth between us). I am actually excited for this, I mean, the four of us get along so well and we always have a good time, so, this should prove to be a most entertaining weekend...and if Susan's dream is any hint at what we can expect, it certainly will be memorable to say the least...but hopefully we won't end up killing any bears and whatnot. So we are gonna be out there for three nights and four days, so yeah, this should prove to be a good time.

Anyways, tonight I might be going to Cowboys with Hayley, and hopefully this time we will actually go to Cowboys, last week we were planning the same thing, but in the end we just ended up going to Lucky, Tequila, and Twisted Element for a bit. Then again we were both really dressed up so we would have stuck out at Cowboys, then again, I also had a grand time driving her new Benz. Oh, and looks like Hayley will be having another party, hopefully it will be as much of a gong show as her last one was...a new adventure around every corner and curve (put yer mind in the gutter).

Tomorrow is also pay-day! Yes! Now I can get my iPod, which means I can finally have some good music in my car! I am excited to say the least. So, these next few days should prove to be adventurous...I hope it lives up to everything I hope it does. I am still working on my entry about the stampede partyin so hopefully that will be up soon enough. I just ned to sit down and finish writing everything that I can remember and that others tell me...oh man, nothing better than to wake up with no shoes, no car, and a wicked headache to boot...oh man, that was a most, well, epic night...no, weekend.

In other news, it looks as though things between Jordan and I may actually work out for the best. Things are clearing up after last weeks total and complete breakdown, which both of us were responsible for...I hope things work out for the best...

I ruined another jacket...and damnit, this time it was one of my favourites too. It was my soft green uniform jacket that I got a few years ago. For some reason, the entire collar of the thing bleached itself, and to tell you the truth, I am actually choked about it...I was just starting to fully appreciate that little thing, and now, it looks like I attempted to turn the thing into a leopard print coat. Damnit anyways.

We got new house cleaners, as our old ones retired. And already I hate the new ones, I told my mom to fire them. They actually threw out some of my things. They were small trinkets, but they were kind of significant. What I lost was the bottle cap of the champagne I cracked for my grad (and a very fine bottle at that), the bottle cap to my first beer, and the bottle cap of the first drink I legally bought after I turned 18...they were small things, but damnit, I used them as a sort of decoration accesory for my room. I am not impressed at all with them. Pity the fool who ends up working for me one day is all I have to say...especially if I am in one of my catty moods.

Oh, and I picked up a bunch of things for Martinis the other day. I got a shaker, and two glasses thus far. A small start, but a start nonetheless, next I just need to pick up a book that talks about how to make the damn things. I'm looking forward to making them, i just hope I don't end up stubling aorund the house drunk too often. Which reminds me, a friend of my younger bro got picked up for underage drinking the other day. I am not surprised to say the least as he is a prick, he almost got arrested too for lying to the cop. He acts all tough and stuff, yet when the cuffs were placed on him, he broke down into sobs. I think the little fucker needs a real wake up call, he's lazy, fat and ugly, yet he acts as if people should worship the ground he walks upon...i can't stand people like him...anyways, enough of that...

I think I am gonna start up again with my painting, it has been almost a year since I last picked up a brush, and I think it is time once again to do so...maybe after I get back from camping I will do so. Anyways, I am out, cheers and ciao all.

Sometimes I just wonder

Ok, so, Jessica Simpson seems to have redone "These Boots were made for walking" to help promote the new Dukes of Hazrd coming out like next week or whenever it does. Anyways, her new music video is quite the sight. I don't know what is so effin addicting about the damn thing. Is it how horrible Jessica fails to come across as a stunning siren, or how horrible she trashed the classic Nancy Sinatra song. I can't quite put my finger on it. But whenever I hear that damned horn blaring at the beginning I can't help but have a smile creep across my face, and I actually crack up...I mean, it's like an accident, as much as we don't want to look, we can't help it, we are just drawn in to see...Everytime "These Boots" comes on, I snap to attention and I just can't hlep but watch it and listen. Its a horribale remake! And an even worse music video! Yet, there is something about it...damn that Jessica Simpson! Damn her and her ability to make me swallow my pride and actually say I like her new video! Oh yes, I am lamenting...I mean, where else can you see an angry poodle washing a car? Bahahaha! And as someone I know said as soon as she saw that Willie Nelson made some cameo appearances in it, all she said was "Oh willie, did you really have to step so low?" But as I said...as horrible as it is, I can't help but watch it when it comes on, I could easily switch to another video, yet I let it play...I doubt I will ever uncover what the intoxicating ingredient they seemed to have thrown into the damn thing. Damnit, now I have another thing to add to the guilty pleasures list...and no, don't you dare take that two ways you sickos! Anyways, I am off, it seems that the little horn is blaring and a little red Dodge Charger is tearing around some little town corner...ciao all!

These boots were made for walking. And that's just what they'll do, these boots are gonna walk all over you....can I get a yeeehaw?!...damn you Jessica, Daaaaaamn you!

Happy One Year

Well, yesterday was officialy the one year anniversary of thoughts and wonderings on the state of the cosmos. And all I have to say is, what a year it has been. It certainly has been filled with its fair share of drama, laughter, pain, suffering, memories, and moments that will live in infamy. For those who actually read this, I hope you have had just as much fun reading about my adventures as I have had retelling them (though obviously lacking at times). Its been a great year. A rollercoaster of sorts to say the least. From those first moments when I started hitting the bar, to those moments where I was just so fed up with the world. Travelling to Montreal, bitching about the country club. It is hard to believe that it has been an entire year already...who knows where this next year will take me...

So tired...

I don't know what's wrong with me...well...actually i do, but I just don't want to admit it. As of lately I have been so tired, like I just don't want to do anything at all. Sluggish I guess is the word I want. I take naps during the day, which is odd, I cancel out of events simply because I don't have the energy to carry out with them. I mean, I canceled out of Bif Naked the other day, simply because I was too tired...

Yet the root cause? My odd sleeping pattern. I don't get a full nights sleep, most times I am lucky to get five hours of sleep. And after three months of that, I think it is finally taking its toll...But lately I have also had to deal with a fair amount of stress lately which is something I am not used to. Heh, the emotional rollercoaster has started up again. But hopefully it won't be anything like last falls, now that was pretty horrible. But I mean, going back to sleeping, I am tired, yet not tired...i find it hard to explain, like I have the energy I guess to do things, just I don't want to because I don't feel like the energy.

Like this past weekend, I didn't want to go out saturday night because I was feeling all sluggish and what not, I didn't want to move from my bedroom floor (I was sitting and listening to music) yet I decided to actually get up, and well, I was going strong until 7.30 am when I finally got home...so I mean, I obviously have the energy to do stuff, yet i want to think that I don't...how very odd indeed...anyways...I think I am out...have a good one everyone. Ciao.

Nevermind

Nevermind what you have heard about me.
Never mind what you think you know about me.
What I am is too far in and can't be found...

I'm standing in the rain. It falls on me and all around me. A bright flash breaks the black starry night. A deep roaring rumble rolls overhead of me. I go and sit under the towering elm tree. Onto the still warm rock. I look out across the great open expanse. And realize, how small I am. How completely insignificant I am. How alone I am.

It's a damn cold night.
Trying to figure out this life.
Won't you take me by the hand, take me somewhere new.
I don't know who you are, but I'm, I'm with you.

Cut and paste, cut and paste.
So very appropriate. I won't try and create something new, especially when something already created is so appropriate.

I will lead. I will not lead.
I will follow. I will not follow.

That's life with me.
Around and around we will go.
That's life with me.
But if I french kissed you in the broad daylight you'd fall in love...

Life’s but a walking shadow, a poor player, that struts and frets his hour upon the stage.
And then is heard no more.
It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury.
Signifying nothing.

Cryptic? No, not at all. Don't read too deep, otherwise you won't be able to free yourself from these thoughts of mine.

Darkness twists about my finger.
Biding its time as I wander through these frightful woods.
Creatures long ago beaten into submission.
Returning for one last stab at infamy.
The eleven scepters of the two lands control the past. present. and. future.
Duality is the essence of my existance.

You are not meant to understand what is being said.
Only one other person knows what I speak of, and if you think it is you...
You are wrong.

Life is a short journey on this path of enlightment that I have embarked on.
Who knows what the future has in hand for me.
As I said, I hope that all of you will remain in my life. One way or another.













If not, see you in the next life. When we are all cats.

Ciao Bella.

And as I said, don't think too deep, otherwise you will drown...

Simply put...

Life's not fair. But I just gotta pick up the pieces that I have and carry on. Who know's what the future has in store. I don't know. But hopefully it involves all of you. Until next time...Ciao Bella.

Pause for thought...

I sit in here on my couch, cuddling a pillow and talking to Jordan...what more could I possibly ask for or want?

Tattoo?

I want a tattoo. Actually I want two. I already know what I want so now comes the question of when. I want to get the Roman Numerals for thirteen on my right calf muscle. I already have the exact design and size done up so now it is just merely going to the parlour and getting it done. But why thirteen? Well, first off, my Mother was born on the 13th, I consider it one of my lucky numbers, and finally if you break the number into one and three, well, I am the first of three boys, so it is an appropriate number, and not one pulled out of my ass like...23 which has no meaning whatsoever to me. The other one that I want is the Chinese Zodiac symbol for the Year of the Tiger, as well, I was born in the year of the tiger (And as Dianna pointed out being a tiger certainly beats being an Ox...lol) So for both tattoo's, i would be shelling out a max of $250. I know I want both, I still have to decide where I want the Zodiac sign to go though, perhaps on my lower left back, towards the arse. Oh, and I am still working up towards getting my piercings done...I just need to find the time, and the time when I have money at my disposal. Heh, who knows. But why the tattoos and piercings? Well, I feel that they add another dimension to who I am. I think they are one way of physically manifesting who I am on my body. I am not going to go hardcore and get a zillion piercings and tattoos as that is not who I am. I just want to stay on the low to moderate side of things. After I get this last round of piercings done, I am sure that I will be done with piercings for good. However with the tattoos, I would have to see how things go after my first one, or two. But I doubt I would want more, I am cautious about things that will be with me for the rest of my life. At least with piercings they can come out, but with tattoos, well, they are permanent to say the least. Hence another reason why they are going in places that are easy to cover up. But yeah, if I really wanted to be a trend whore (not that I already am or anything, lol) I would have already had my piercings and tattoos done, but I want to make sure they are things I can and would like to live with for the rest of my life. But yeah, my mind is made up, I don't need the rent's permission as I am 19 and it is my body. So, here is to getting my tattoos and piercings. Perhaps the first round will start this friday. Who knows?! Anyways, ciao all.

And HAPPY STAMPEDE! YAHOOOO!

Yahooo!

The Calgary Stampede came in with a roar a few days ago! Haha, Melanie and I decided to kick things off by hitting up Cowboys on thursday night. The only issue was that it was 21 and older that night. So to say the least our first plan was shot down. But on our way to Coyotes, we ran into an old school mate, Jodi...and well, now she works at Cowboys as one of the bartenders. And to say that she has changed is quite the understatement. But yeah, even she told us in was not worth us going in that night so we took her word and booked it for Coyotes. So the two of us showed up, and Bell Canada was having their corporate party there so the crowd was quite a bit older. Anyways, overall the evening was fun, as the night wore on, the crowd got younger and younger. Oh, and I managed to embarass the hell out of Melanie (or so I think I did) because they started playing some line dancing music and I knew the dance so I went up and started going at it, and so she decided to follow me. What we didn't know, was that we were like two of only seven people in the bar that knew it, so there was seven of us up on the dance floor with the whole bar watching us. It was intimidating to say the least. But fun. Oh I had fun. And thank you to all who I dragged out to Cowboys on Thursday nights so that I could learn to line dance. It actually payed off. Anyways, after that Melanie and I sat and chilled, talked and people watched. Oh, but we did hit up the dance floor and Melanie managed to win a Coyotes Tank Top...it definetely looked good on her! ;-) After that we left, and went on our way home, but passed an art Gallery that was open (this being like 12.30am) Mel and I decided to stop in and take a look around. Some of the pieces were definetely moving. I had one piece that I absolutely loved, I don't know what it was supposed to be of, but from what I saw it looked like a dream sunset from under a storm...was stunning. Anyways, met the curator, certainly a nice guy and told us to check back in every two weeks, and he also asked us to contact any artists we know who are interested in exhibite their work...*ahem...Melissa...* After we went through the gallery we headed for home. Slight issue arose though. Melanie's Coyotes shirt was no where to be found in the car. We literally tore apart my car looking for it. She swore that she put it on her seat, and i thought she did as well. So after a good half an hour of looking, we headed back down town to see if we could find it. I was so much more saddened than she was for the lost shirt. She didn't really care, whereas I was like..."that shirt was so hot, and now you lost it...I bet you some hobo is wearing it now.....ewwwwww *clenches eyes shut*." But somehow we managed to find it, just on the side of the road where we had parked. I just looked at her and told her that she owed me a slice of pizza, and she happily did...Anyways, that was our kick off night to Stampede 2005! Heh, was pretty tame considering...but fun nonetheless...anyways, ciao all.

And yeah, i know i don't spend much time recaping evenings, but this is one of those entries that is being used to help remember what i did on such and such a day so many years ago...so basically a memory...

Oh the irony does not escape me

Fate it seems likes to play games with people. It was merely two weeks ago that I settled my insurance claim for my head on collision last october. Well...now I get to begin another one, maybe. I was in another car accident this past friday night. This time I was a passenger in a truck that side swiped another car (a 1968 Corvette Stingray in mint condition. value: $100,000+) and well...other than being shook up really good, scaring the hell out of a few people, i now have some back pains. Nothing is as serious as last octobers, but there is still some discomfort. I managed to bruise my hip bone from the seatbelt, and my back is giving me some problems from when i was twisted around after the impact. So i mean, all is well. But I am off to see the doctor soon in order to cover all my bases in case i am contacted by the insurance company. Ah well. The irony does not escape me that I finish one case, and am soon stuck in another. Oh, and I still have no clue as to how we got in the collision...i think it will remain a mystery to me for a long time...ah well...ciao all!

*Cough...Hack!*

Bah...well...where should I start? I seem to have acquired a nasty cough over the last few days. Today has been the worst with fits of coughing and hacking and all that fun stuff. And, apparently I don't know how to cough according to some people, instead I manage a sneeze/cough, so a neezeough is what it has been called. I hope I get better soon. As the next two weeks are going to be insane to say the least. Stampede starts on Friday, and I am so totally stoked for it! Things are already gearing up to be most adventurous! Tonight I am off for the back alley for Dianna's birthday. Tomorrow is Cowboys to ring in Stampede 2005! Friday is the Parade, and well, the way things are looking right now, it would appear that I may be going back to Edmonton Friday and Saturday. Sunday will be off to the Whiskey, or Tantra or wherever I decide to go. And I have no clue what the rest of the week will have in store. But I am most excited for the 19th of July cuz that is when, none other than Jordan will be making the trip down to cowtown...haha, now it'll be my turn to show how things are done down here! Things are actually going good between us, I could have sworn that I would be more uneasy about things since it has been so long, but things are going good. I'm happy, Jordan is happy (i think....lol) Bif Naked is coming to Coyotes on the 17th and I am really looking forward to the show. I listened through her new album again, and well, I am starting to love every song there is on it...But my favourite is "That's life with Me" i find that it is really a very appropriate way of describing how my life is lived...tehehee...i love it...

So my morning got off to an awesome start! On my way in to work I saw the Stampede Show Band, the Stampede Round Up Band, and the Young Canadians. They had been brought in to do some private preformances my community. They are doing three preformances today, and sadly I have to miss them all because of work. My mother just called actually wondering if I wanted to join her and my brother at the club to watch the bands. But sadly, by the time i would get there, they would already be gone. Oh how I love the festivites that comes with the Stampede. Uhm, what else is going on, Stampede brunch on Friday with the RAUSI in downtown Calgary. Saturday, is brunch at the Balm Residence (their house is only worth 49million, not 4.9, but 49million, spectacular to say the least) but sadly I am going to miss that. Then Sunday is well, I dunno...whatever I want I guess! Oh I know! Off to the grounds for some riding, puking and fun times! Oh man, but yeah, last night was rough, was threatened to be kicked out of the house again (i didn't want to do the dishes when my mother asked for me to do them at 1am, so that blew up) So to drive by and hear the bands playing, and seeing the flags, it was nice for sure. I dunno what it is, but seeing simple things like that always seem to make my day. On my way in, I was once again admiring the mountains, I really need to get out and take a picture of them some morning to capture the snow capped peaks that are the Rocky Mountains. Oh yes, and construction has started on reinforcing the road I take to get out of Springbank. After all the rains from June there were a lot of mud slides all around my house (part of a barn went down, and a house just about did like two minutes from my place). So i mean, i could see that part of the hill that the road is on did in fact slide down, so it is somewhat reassuring that they are out working on it.

And Change in plans! I just got a phone call from my dear friend Shauna! Her 18th b-day is this friday, so now I will be going up to Edmonton on Saturday then for the day, and maybe the night...And now I am totally excited for Friday. It has been months since I last saw Shauna, and so now we're hitting the grounds up, going for dinner, then off for Outlaws or Tequila! Hehe! Aw, Shauna has certainly been most missed. Oh, and sorry that I threw this in, I am way too lazy to go back and edit everything that I already wrote. And since this is my blog, I can do what I please.

Anyways, I am now done for the moment. I will most likely talk to you all later at some point or another...

Oh and sorry about the comments thing...I am just experimenting with the blogs format...

Anyways, Ciao all.

Lesson for the day...

It is so much better to pull an all nighter, and just go to work while still on a role.

And not fall asleep for two hours and then drag my sorry ass out of bed and attempt to stay awake at work. What a day. Glad its over.

For the first time in almost 10 months I had a really heavy talk. It was a very difficult talk to have. There was a lot of hurt that was resurfaced, and memories that I had tucked away that were brought to the forefront of things. I mean, at one point in my life I was prepared for these kind of talks where someone's life hangs in the balance. I remember always being terrified whenever i was brought into one of those talks. And last night, the terror re-entered. Every life is beautiful and should be lived to its fullest. And it is just scarey to know that someone's life depends on how the talk goes. And whether or not they will attempt to take their own life again in the future. I can count on one hand still the number of times I have been thrust into these situations. And last nights affected someone so dear to me that I was myself on the verge of tears. The nausea was sweeping through me. And there I was, trying to pound away that the past is the past, let it be a part of who you are, and not let it dictate your life. Trying to show that there is a life that is to be lived. A life meant to be lived.

I wish I never in my life would ever have to encounter such situations as suicide and attempts. But alas I have. I have seen the effects that the suicide of a person can have on their friends, family, and peers. It shakes people's foundations. To know that there is such sadness in a person's life that they would rather end it, than endure it. Attempts are just as traumatizing. Nothing worse than getting that phone call that so-and-so is in the hospital becuase they swallowed a bottle, or was found hanging off the stairs. And then there is the terrifying talks where someone is close to attempting....again...

I never want to be thrust into such a situation ever again. I didn't want to endure it last night. But I care so much for the lives of others that I will drop everything if they trully need it and be there for them. I love everyone in my life. Your lives are all precious to me. And know that I am always here for you...

I don't know what I am trying to get at today. Perhaps the selfishness of those who take their lives for they will never know the damage and destruction that they have left behind for those that are still living. Perhaps it is the fact that no matter how dark and gloomy life is, the sun will come out eventually. A new dawn will break. And perhaps, most of all, that people should get out, and enjoy life and all that it offers. Life is a beautiful thing. Who knows what lays around the corner. Life is a never ending story. And there upon the rainbow is the answer to the never-ending story. Don't dream it! Be it!

But promise me all of you...that you will ever reach the point in life where you feel that it is better to end it, than to trudge onwards...life always gets better. I have seen proof that it does. I have seen a close friend of mine go from being in the hospital after her 6th suicide attempt (one that almost succeeded except her family came home) to a woman today who is happy, and out enjoying everything that life has to offer. Trust me, at 15,16,17, and even 18...you have not experienced what life has to offer. High School will end, so push on through. I have not yet experienced all that life has to offer and i look forward to seeing what is just beyond the horizon. Life is daunting and frightening. But I do not try to let myself get so down that I feel that there is no way out. Perhaps it is just because I am just a happy go lucky, oh look the sky is blue, ditzy kind of guy who looks for joy in even the smallest things. Perhaps I am naive. But every person has their own problems and issues in life. Everyone has experienced anger, sorrow, sadness and depression...but things will get better.

Anyways. Dream as if you'll live forever, live as if you were going to die tomorrow.

Make it count.

Ciao bellas.

This is Drew signing out.

Always the small things

It is always the small things in a relationship between two people that seems to have the most impact. Whether this is a relationship between two friends, two lovers, or a parent/child relationship. It is always the simple things that seem to make a relationship what it is.

I should have turned back and sad good bye. I am kicking myself now that I didn't. I didn't want to leave. Reality bites. I am so sorry hun for not coming back to you in that moment. All my life I have tried to be strong. One of those types where you don't look back at all. Well, this time I looked back, and should have turned back. But I didn't. And it seems I am more hurt for not turning back than you will ever know.

Such a simple act. Such a simple act could have trully shown how I feel. I feel as though I am coming across as a cold person. I am not. But you already know that. I am just more upset with myself.

For me, it has always been about the small things. A simple spur of the moment exchange of sentimental pieces of our lives. Even if it is just a shell necklace. A hemp bracelet. A dinner. A hug. A kiss. A walk. Cuddling for hours. Silence. They are all things that make a relationship what it is.

Anyways...oen of the things I forgot about in a relationship is the emotions involved. Oh what fun this will be. Be prepared for more wild mood swings from me. Ciao All.

*Current mood: Lonely.

Single no more...

One of the developments that occured over the weekend, is, well, I am no longer single in life. I have taken the plunge and entered my first real relationship with anyone in over three years. I don't know what to expect, it seems to be all new again. But by all signs at the moment, things should work out for the best!

I am not a fan of the whole dating scene, but what can you do when the person who seems so perfect walks into your life? And, since life is too short, i decided why not, and see where things will go.

I am not one to stand up on a table and bellow out to the crowd below that i have perhaps met the person of my dreams (but they have to be pretty damn close in order for me to consider dating someone, and since I actually am, that must say something) but I am one who will let those around me know in a quiet way.

I am excited for this. I trully am. I can not wait to see where things will go...i really can't...it should be an adventure to say the least. Well, this previous weekend certainly helped to prove that!

Hello World from Edmonton!

Here I sit, writing from Edmonton. Unsure of what to say. I know I ditched quite a few people over the last few days, and to you all, I am sorry. Making plans and then cancelling them last minute. The truth of the matter is, is that I had to escape from everyone for a bit. It is not any one persons fault. More, I just needed a breather, on my own, away from people. And thus far, I have found exactly what I have been needing. Just lazing away the days here. Literally going with the flow. I went out with some people to watch the fireworks above the legislature buildings last night. They were spectacular to say the least. Calgary really could not compete with them, then again, Calgary isn't the Capital of Alberta (Even though it should be!) Anyways, looks like I am going to be off for the mall after I take a shower here, so yeah I'm out. Cheers and ciao all.