Wednesday, June 06, 2007


The point of this entry is moot. Whatever that trully means.

I am alone. And for the first time in a very long time, that is ok. And for the first time in a long time, I want to be alone. I have so much that I want to do and need to do for myself. My life for the past three years has been nothing but social. Every day with someone else. Going around and around and around. Yes friends are good to have, and make all the difference in the world. But right now, I just get this urge to be by myself. Not to prove anything to anyone. I just want to be alone and for the most part left alone. I don't want to know what is going on in my friends lives. I don't want to hear all the nitty gritty details. Why should that concern me. I know exactly what brought this on, and I don't want to divulge that here. Actually, fuck that. Here it goes. I don't want to hear if one of my best friends, who happens to be an ex, asks another of my best friends to join him and his boyfriend for a threesome. Honestly, why bring that up with me? The point has already been made quite clear that conversations involving sex and said person bug me to the extreme. Yes it is because of some lingering feelings for said person. I am quite aware of them. Usually I can channel those feelings elsewhere or make them into proactive moments and whatnot, but as soon as the subject of sex comes up, I am completely turned off, and want to be alone. Why is that I wonder. What is it within me that makes me feel this way. I am a young adult, an adult. Should I not be handling this in an adult way? Fucking emotions sometimes. Seriously. And it doesn't turn me away from said person, but it makes me want to turn away from everyone. Whatever. I can get over this. Yet I can't. Well, as long as I am the adult when it comes to this and channel those feelings elsewhere life will go on as it always has. That touch of longing. C├ęst las vie. Enough is enough. So for now, and the next little while, it will just be myself and I.


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