Thursday, September 30, 2004

Pause for thought...

Some people are so odd...and some people are complete idiots.

Wednesday, September 29, 2004


Wow. In riding a horse we borrow freedom. True freedom. I just came back from a gorgeous ride this afternoon. Sure i shtink like a horse...heheeee shtink...but it was so worth it. To gallop along the road, down the valley side and into the river below. Oh what refreshness, what freedom! The sun was coming in and out of the clouds, the wind was brisk and chilled. Twas perfect. I only lost my hat twice today, which is not too bad. And no cell phone. No cell phone! No concept of time, nothing there but me, dexter, and the wide open open as the Springbank plains can be. It was a perfect day for a ride. I was given a chance to be alone with my thoughts again, which is always a good thing. Gave me a chance to clear my mind and just enjoy the sun, the wind, and of course the stunning view. Ah yes, another day in paradise, well, almost paradise i guess. The only thing missing was an ocean, some palm trees, and a setting like Eastern Canada. Big oaks, maple trees and the spectacular automn blazes upon the trees. Ah well. I enjoyed today which was the only thing that mattered. What majestic creatures they are. They way they gallop. Oh there is nothing more inspirational than seeing a stampede of horses thundering along the great plains. It brings tears to my eyes, trust me. I have been blessed enough to have witnessed such a marvel. Oh there is nothing comparable to it. The thundering hoofs, their eyes...oh, to know such freedom. Their eyes scream out freedom. To go wherever one wants to go. Now that is a true understanding of freedom.
"A horse! A horse! My Kingdom for a Horse!"
Ciao...*sailing off into the sunset in a wooden shoe...while a piano plays in the background*
I miss Polo already :-(

Don't buy these Products!

The following is a list of products i shall never buy, and I recommend those who read this to not buy them as well. The reason they made it onto this list is solely becuase of the advertisements they put out. The list is numerical in order, so basically the worse culprit is in position number one, as per usual. So without further adieu, here I go:

1) UNITED FURNITURE WAREHOUSE! All i need to do is sing the first three words and the song will be stuck in yer head forever more...DUN-DUN!
2) Leon's: Any advertisement that needs to constantly repeat itself is bad enough..."three...three...three more days now!"
3) Yogurt: Those two stupid bears talking in those retarded voices Never again!
4) Huggies: Stupid stupid stupid stupid
5) Canadian Tire: Anyone who gets that excited over power tools deserves to die and hopefully they will win a Darwin on their way out
6) McDonald's: We love to see you smile? Give it up, the only reason ur smiling is cuz you know ur killing us all with yer cowface patties, ground up chicken feather ice cream and sea weed milkshakes!
7) Arby's: Black Angus Steak commercial. I don't like to think about where those cows go, so shut up!
8) DIal 1-866-WOW-DEAL, and get away for less! Just as bad as UFW!
9) Sleep Country: Why buy a mattress anywhere else? Oh I'll tell you why!
10) Puppy Chow: Just plain Stupid

So that about wraps this one up. Just felt like getting this out of my system. I say we bombard those 10 companies with letters and postcards and cereal box lids until they pull their ads. Or simply just don't buy their products! Riiiiight...ciao!

All for nothing? Or all for something?

I am in one of my deep contemplative moods. Philosophical? Perhaps, perhaps not though. So i guess get ready. What is the point of it all? Who are we? What are we? Why are we here? Can i make an attempt at answering those questions? Of course i can. But honestly they are just wild-ass guesses half the time. I mean some people will answer why are we here with "well we are here to worship god." ok. I buy that. But which God? or is it all the same God, just manifesting differently from race to race and tribe to tribe in order to be known to all? What are we? Well, lets see. We are billions of molecules stuck together because some random scientific freak accident occured within our DNA resulting in us becoming different than Chimpanzees. Yeah. Ok. I don't buy that. How is it that everything worked out that we would develop the sulci and gyri within our brains, and that we would develop beyond the medula oblongata while no other animal has even been able to come close to reaching our stage of development. Am I suggesting we are created beings? I dunno. But it certainly seems iffy otherwise. Now what is the point of it all? I dunno. Perhaps something in our brains says that we are living for something more than what we actually are living for? Is there really a point to life? Other than fueling the destruction of our planet and the corruption of our government by paying taxes. I certainly hope so. Life cannot be meaningless. I refuse to believe that there is nothing worth living for, i mean beyond our realm. There must be something. Which brings me back to this point. Creation. Has Humanity created anything at all? I mean anything? Other than altering and reorganizing the molecules around us into sculptures. I mean, when was the last time anyone heard about a scientist making an atom. And by the way, where did all that energy come from in order for creation to even begin? What kick started everything? The big-bang perhaps? Well...where did that energy come from? Answer me that. When was the last time Humans actually created something. Something from nothing. Exactly. We haven't. There must be some power beyond our grasp, our ability of reasoning. Religion is not meant to be rationalized. Religion, and the cosmos are irrational. They are not meant to be understood. We are not worthy to be in control of such knowledge. And nor shall we ever be in possession of such knowledge. Yes, you may say that science will have the answer. But seriously. The general function and purpose of all Religions is to address fundamental human issues and concerns. And go beond that to try and make sense of the cosmos around us. The mysteries that will never be answered. There is too much going on for there to be any other answer. So i will leave you with this. If it took how many years using the best computers in the world to crack the Human DNA strand. The most simple basic building blocks of life. Then how long would it take to crack the most complicated difficult ones then eh? There's gotta be something going on there. Or perhaps I am hopelessly lost and will have a very rude awakening one day. Ah well. It has been fun thus far! And i musts be off...Ciao!

Monday, September 27, 2004

Seriousness vs. Weirdness

Alright, I have now noticed that my blog has become really serious. Especially of late. The light heartedness seems to have disappeared. What happened to Gurt, Gustafer and Geraldine? And what of Anastasia and Nicholas? Or Paris and Brad? Sprites, Pixies, Crowns, and Absinthe. I don't know if I like the seriousness of this, but I mean, this is who I am, this is what is on my mind. This is my life. So does that mean my life has become more serious, more (GASP!) down to earth and out of the atmosphere? Or are there just more problems arising in my life than usual? So many questions. Or perhaps I am changing. Perhaps I am growing up. Or maybe there isn't enough time for me to kid around. I don't like this seriousness. I know I have to face reality, and I have done so in the past, I live in reality, yet I was able to seperate myself from it at the same time. It was the only way I could stay so happy so constantly. I have changed I know that. But if that change means me losing my ability to always, ALWAYS, be in a cheerful mood, then I don't like these changes. I want to be back in the atmosphere where the air was light, the sun was bright, and everything was right. Is everything right for me? Yes. Could my life honestly be any better than it is right now? No, I don't think so. Life is grand, but so many questions, so much unfinished business to do. My time left here in this life is dwindling down rapidly. So much to do. So much to say. So much to see. So much left unsaid. Time may bo on for eternity, but see, I won't be, at least in this state of being. See, now I have become morbid again. Damnit anyways. I hate being on such a serious note all the time. Not enough time at all.
Ciao...I hope you had the time of yer life...

Sunday, September 26, 2004

Why me?

What defines a friendship? Is it a certain element of trust? Or perhaps it is a set of common experiences...or perhaps it is a reflection of yourself in them. Or perhaps there is none of these, and as they say opposites attract. I really don't understand the human psychology. The rush of emotions, the chemical transactions that occur. Or perhaps it is something much deeper than just the physical manifestations that occur. Do we recongize these people as those who had an effect on us in our past lives. For example in Hinduism, a friend in this life was a friend in a past life, and this pattern has been going on for many lifetimes. Perhaps the soul finds another mate. Or going back to an earlier post, perhaps these sparks singing out into the dark have found eachother. Friendships cann occur in just about any situation and they come and go. But how often is it that opne fidns a real friend? One you can trust. Life is so full of twists and turns. And many times cruel judgement is given out. There never is enough time in the day. Life is too short. I have been having a lot of those looking at yer watch and wondering where the time went. Why is life so short. It really is quite unfair. But no one ever said that life was fair. I dunno. I love life, but it honestly is too short. And there is nothing worse I have come to realize, then coming in at the end of a story. But then again, for every end there is almost always a new beginning. Here is to living life to its fullest. Cheers. and ciao.

Friday, September 24, 2004

I'm pregnant

Great, now that I have everyone's attention...uh oh, where did i leave that condom? Riiiight. Anyways, i am hungry once again. Seems to happen a few times per day, but most of the time i jst ignore it and it goes away. And then at home i usually pig out on mini wheats...yum yum. This is going to be another random post so just bare with me...which bear is which? anyways. Life is grand and carrying on. Last night was fantastic, I love Belgium people now. And I have decided that I need yet another cowboy hat...I have two, a brown one, and a white one that Bif Naked woar at a concert. I love Bif, whih reminds me I need to pick up those tickets for the Back Alley and also for the Western Canadian Music Awards...anyone interested in going? Give me a shout. Bif is hosting them so I am like way to excited to even begin to put down in words how excited I am for that. Perhaps I should get tanked before hand. Why the hell are we learning about potatoes and rice in geography? Potatoes were once thought to be a natural cure for male impotence, betchya really wanted to know that eh? And then there is the International Potatoe Centre in Peru. Wow. Amazing. And once again I am hungry. Pregnancy, one of my friends is 6 months pregnant, she is 17. And she is also engaged. Why am I not excited for her? and i am wiped out. Time to fly. ciao.

Thursday, September 23, 2004

Smarten up...really


good fcukin night...ciao

Sunday, September 19, 2004

Pause for thought again!

And what the hell am I doing up at 4:20 am?

Pause for thought

I just realized that I just finished going through Male would explain the mood swings of last week...wooooooooooord

Sing for me...

If I died tonight, would I regret my life? No. No I wouldn't. I do believe that I have lived every moment to its fullest. Carpe Diem. Sieze the day. I cannot understand people who just sit in front of a television or computer screen all day. It would drive m insane. I always have an urge to live. To go out and do something. To take full advantage of each moment. I watched the sunset tonight. It was stunning. The sky was ablaze in colour. The slight breeze rustled through my hair lifting my spirits as it did so. The mountains to the west towered over the landscape casting their shadows across the prairies. Ah yes. Life was rushing through me. I listened to the wind rush run through the trees, and I listened to the river wash over the rocks below the hill top. I watched as the birds soared freely through the sky. The clouds carried on towards their unknown destination. The lightning flashed to the North and as the light died and the night moved in a strange calmness fell over the land. It was a stunning Night.

Come un lampo di vita
Come un pazzo gridar
Del delittuoso grido
Bella ruggente pena,
Come la rabbia di amar
Come un assalto di gioia
I see a spark of life shining
I hear a young minstrel sing
Beautiful roaring scream
Of joy and sorrow,
So extreme
There is a love in me raging
A joyous,
Magical feeling
Como la luz de la vida
Como un payaso que grita
Del estupendo grito
De la tristeza loca
Como la rabia de amar
Como un asalto de felicidad

Yes, to inspire that old spirit of life. That ancient element which is a part of every single one of us. I love life, I love living every single moment of my life. No matter what is thrown my way, I always look forward to tomorrow, and whatever it may bring. Nothing lasts forever so therefore the bad times cannot ever last forever. Life only comes around once. You are only young once. I try to take advantage of that. Every chance I get I am outside enjoying the sun, the rain, the snow, the wind, the night, the day. Some of the nicest days are the overcast days. Some of the nicest days are the snowy days.

Snow. I cannot understand why people cannot like the snow. The world is so calm during and after a snowfall. The world is at peace. It is silent. Yes it may be cold, but that is what gloves and hats are for. The snow is an element that allows me to think. It is a time when I lap up each and every second. All the world is at peace around me. There is nothing but me breathing, and the sounds of the snow crunching under my feet.

And that is enough. My thoughts are jumping all over the place. I cannot keep them straight. It is too late, or maybe too early to be thinking like this. But at least I know that I am now free. Freedom is something few of us have. I shall look forward to the next time I meet someone who is trully free as well. Not a care in the world. Ai. I am not actually free I just realized. I am almost free. But at least I know that I am close. And it is now time that I must bid adieu to everyone. Ciao.

Tuesday, September 14, 2004

What has happened

There once was a time in my life when I was a very into Christianity and into Jesus. I loved Church and going to Church and singing the songs of praise. I would dance and was extremely active in it. I was sent off to Belize to do missionary work, I was sent off to Notre Dame University to attend a Catholic Youth Conference. I was a key player in the retreats and I loved every moment of it. I would wear four different Christian bracelets to school and attended Bible Study every week. And even then that wasn't enough so I became an online member of three different bible studies. I studied the bible, read it cover to cover and certain books I read time after time. I really loved praying and did so every night. I bought numerous Christian CD's and read the Left Behind Series, getting more and more excited for Jesus. And then in March of 2004, something snapped. Something cracked. I don't know if it was one thing particularily, but whatever happened, I quickly collapsed Spiritualy. I had spent two years of my life building and preparing myself up to be a charasmatic christian and a contagious christian. I bugged everyone in my class to read the bible or to come to church with me. I mean I was a religious nut. I lived and breathed it. But something happened as I said. I cracked. And within weeks I had totally collapsed spritiualy. Why do I bring this up now? Well for one thing I feel dead inside. I recognize this feeling as the same one I felt when i went through my desertification period of my spiritual life. I was being tested day and night and I came through, but barely. I was exhauseted after that period of my life. And I know as a christian that many go through waves, ups and downs on our spiritual life. I had gone through that also many times. I was so happy during that time. In fact I was so happy all the time that people actually got annoyed at me for being so cheerful and happy all the time. I never had any bad days or bad moments at all. And yet at this point I am so fragile and weak. My emotions are on a roller coaster. I really cannot bear it anymore. I am taking this to be a sign that I need t get back to what I left. But now there are so many questions. Who was Jesus? What ever happened during those 18 years that he disappeared from the bible? (between 12 and 30) there are many unanswered questions I have about Christianity. I know a founding principle of that religion is that one does not have to see to believe. I am not like that. Do I believe in a God? Of course I do. The vessel that carried that belief is broken, yet what was on the inside, the actual belief. That spark within my soul is still there, oh it will never leave. Yet what kind of new vessel do I want to place this belief in? What shapre or form? I am a Hindu, I am a Muslim. Everyone is born a Hindu, and anyone who submits before the will of God is a Muslim. I do submit before God. Yet who is He or She? Did God really manifest in Jesus Christ? Or was that something that the Early Christians twisted. Do I believe Jesus walked this Earth? Oh yes. Do I believe that he preformed Miracles? Oh yes. But so did Moses. What about Buddah? All of them were Earthly manifestations of a higher being. There really is n doubting it. But which one is right? Or is there no right? Or all they all right? What is the way to God? What is the true way to the Almighty Ruler of the Heavens? The Bible is absolutly fantastic. As is the Quran and the Bhagavad Gita. But can I believe in all three? Do I have to necessarily pick out one religion to believe and follow? Or can I be a bit of everything? If anything I identify most cloesly with Christianity. I believe that there is way too much going on for Jesus to just be any old guy who got Crucified. No there definetly is something more. The chances for just any 8 out of the 300 prophecies made directly about the Messiah to come true and be manifested in one person is astronomical, something like 1 in 120 million. Yet Jesus Christ fulfilled 328 of the prophecies made about the Messiah in the Old Testament. Do the Math. I now see. The facts are as clear as day now that it is written out. I don't need any proof to tell me about God and Truth. I just have to look at the sunset and I believe. There is a heaven and we cannot enter it on our own terms. These terms were set out hundreds of years ago by a power much higher than us. No matter what I do, I must be held accountable to my actions. I am a Christian. I am a Jew. I am a Muslim. I am a Hindu. I am a Buddhist. I bellieve that there is a higher power. And I believe that all religions will lead us and point us back to one common point. There is a God. He is ruling over this domain. And it does not really matter which vessel we carry our belief in as long as we believe, for if all roads lead back to him, then so be it. To each his own. I do believe. AND THAT IS ALL THAT MATTERS IN THE END! ciao.

Monday, September 13, 2004

And there upon the rainbow

I have lost myself. I am back at square one.
Who am I?
I miss the sunset. I miss my walks in the woods. I miss watching the water flow by in the river. I miss the wind running through the trees. Am I happy? Yes I am, but for how much longer? Is it time that I go back to the basics? Yes it is. For too long now I have ignored my emotions. My feelings. I am about to crash. I need to slow down. Life is passing me by too quickly. I have lost the feeling of being overly happy each morning to be alive. I have lost the feeling of looking at the mountains and seeing the grandiosity and beauty of this life. I have become trapped in a vicious circle. I must break it. It is a problem when your best friends say that you are going to end up dead if I don't slow down. But trouble melts like lemon drops. My head has always been in the clouds. It gave me inspiration to carry on. I have lived a most blessed life, yet I now see I am almost pissing it away. When was the last time I went to Boston Pizza on a friday night escapade? When was the last time i stood outside and just watched the sunset and smelled the fresh lake air? When was the last time I sat outside and listened to the frogs croak and the crickets sing. When was the last time I sat out and watched the Northern Lights. When was the last time I laid on my bed and just dreamt of where I want to go one day, what I want to do. I have lost the basics of my life. Too fast Slow down, slow down slow down slow down slow down slow down slow down. Where has september gone? Where did august go? When am I going to the Grad? When are the next grad parties? oh my god, they already passed. where did the time go. Bonnie? Hayley? Where are you? Melanie? Andrea? Graham? Mark? Where did everyone go? Why am I here still? I need to leave. I need to get away. Too many memories. Too many moments. Why does time go on?


And there upon the rainbow, is the answer to a never ending story...

Thursday, September 09, 2004

What went on a year ago in Roo's life

So i dug up my old journal...handwritten...and went to september is what i did one year ago today...

Dear Tracey,
Today was totally awesome and fun. So I went to my first Polo Match today. It was really cool, and I invited Antonia to come as well and she came! It was very upscale, as Polo should be. So we were out at the Calgary Polo Club and had a 'tailgate' party except we ate smoked salmon, brushcetta and foccachia bread and other hors d óureves (sp?), and we also all drank Champagne, hmmm yummy. The match itself was very exciting, Fred Mannix the billionaire and his son were playing. The match was very fast paced and it was so cool to hear the horses go galloping by. But yes it was cool just to see the mastery and horsemanship some of these players had it was just amazing. So I didn't see a single pair of jeans there today, mostly skirts, khakis and (surprise surprise) Polo shirts, oh and wide brimmed hats. From there when the match was done, we went to the clubhouse and wached the trophy ceremony. They also had a silent auction going on. This too was more upscale than the local country club as well, Cartier Pens, Asprey Jewellary, Beautiful Fur Coats from Christian Dior and paintings as well. After that Antonia and I climbed into the BMW convertible and went to Antonia's place where she grabbed her swimsuit, we were headed to Ms. Murphy's house. That was a lot of fun. Antonia and I spent a while in the pool swiming and when Mr. Davis came by in his black Ferrari I got to take it out with him for a bit. After I got back, went into the hot tub and just had a very enjoyable time. Got out, and dried off and talked with Antonia for a good two hours straight. Mr. Davis called in some pizza and I had some before I drove Antonia home, and then went home myself. So more and more I find myself to be living the Calgary Milionaire lifestyle. Polo, Pools, Nice Cars, Designer Clothing. Like if I took anyone out of the city and brought them into this kind of lifestyle, I think they would have felt very out of place because of all the money I see everyday. Like at the polo, we were parked between a brand new corvette and a mercedes s-class. A refurbished Fiat, BMW's. Drinking Champagne. Hob nobbing with the Mannix's, and other notable socialites. Wow. All this done in just one day. Very interesting. Now I definetly have lived the springbank lifestyle. But goodnight. Andrew.

Hummm...well life certainly has not changed since then. Considering I am becoming a Polo Club member next season. However Antonia and I are no longer talking at all but oh well. is so very interesting. Anyways, Ciao!

Tuesday, September 07, 2004

What I am is too far in and can't be found

Never mind what you might have heard about me. Never mind what you think you know about me. You can't understand a person by the way they look. What I am is too far in and can't be found. I am a person. I am a unique person. I am more than just a nummber, I am more than just a face. I have a story. I have a story that I want to tell. I want to meet people. I want people to meet me. I want to see the world. I love the sunset. I love the sunrise. Do not go gently into that good night. Rage Rage against the dying of the light. I start a new chapter in my life tomorrow. What shall it hold? One does not know. They tell us what it may be like. But again I am different. I am more than just a face in a crowd. I am a person. I have feelings. I have faults. I am not perfect nor do I want to be. I am smart and dumb. I am right and wrong. I am big and small. I go left and I go right. I follow this person. This persono follows me. I have friends. And friends have me. I am more than just a grain of sand. I am a spark in this world. I am a bright spark singing out into the darkness. Hopeing that another spark will hear me and find me. That way we can sing our songs together and shine more brightly. Never mind what you have heard about me. Never mind what you think you know about me. Do not judge me until you meet me. Do not try to understand me withouot looking at me. Do not single me out. I am a part of the crowd. If one person jumps off a bridge I will follow them. If I jump off a bridge no one will follow me. I have jumped off he deep end. And I'm free. Free falling that is. But I am free. Where is the bottom? I do not know, and nor can I see. I pray to the heavens that there is no bottom. Faster and Faster. Time isn't slowing down. My life isn;t flashin before me. No it is carrying on. New memories. New people. New moments that will stay with me. You never know when you are making a memory, so therefore make each moment count. If someone jumps off a bridge I will not follow them. I dance to my own drum, and I march to my own beat. Do not follow where the path may lead. Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail. I am more than just a face in the crowd. I am more than justs a member of society. I am more than just a lost individual trying to find their place in this world. I am who I am. I am that I am. Who you say I am, I am. I am a follower and a leader. I am a leader and a follower. I do not lead and I do not follow. I am Roo. And no one, and nothing can ever change who I am.

Stupid Elbow

I really fcuked up my elbow. Wow, last winter i slipped on ice twice in a one week period. I know i chipped something in there cuz i could feel it, but this is really starting to bug me. I can't lean my elbow on my desk anymore cuz everything moves in it. It's not painful, just weird and slightly uncomfortable. I think i might just go and see my doctor about it. Wow. A very injurious year this has been. Meh. Life goes on...Ciao!

I drove all Night...

I had to escape
The city was sticky and cruel
Maybe I should have called you first
But I was dying to get to you
I was dreaming while I drove
The long straight road ahead, uh, huh

Could taste your sweet kisses
Your arms open wide
This fever for you is just burning me up inside

I drove all night to get to you
Is that alright?
I drove all night
Crept in your room
Woke you from your sleep
To make love to you
Is that alright?
I drove all night

What in this world
Keeps us from tearing apart
No matter where I go I hear
The beating of your heart
I think about you
When the night is cold and dark, uha, yeah
No one can move me
The way that you do
Nothing erases the feeling between me and you

I drove all night to get to you
Is that alright?
I drove all night
Crept in your room
Woke you from your sleep
To make love to you
Is that alright?
I drove all night

Could taste your sweet kisses
Your arms open wide
This fever for you is just burning me up inside

I drove all night to get to you
Is that alright?
I drove all night
Crept in your room
Woke you from your sleep
To make love to you
I drove all night... to hold you tight

I love this song...I just thought that the world would like to know that!
btw...Roy Orbison does the best version of this...considering he was the original singer of it...Ciao!

Sunday, September 05, 2004


Could someone please kill me. Oh my fcukin God i wanna die...too much alcohol...Die Liver Die!