Lesson for the day...

It is so much better to pull an all nighter, and just go to work while still on a role.

And not fall asleep for two hours and then drag my sorry ass out of bed and attempt to stay awake at work. What a day. Glad its over.

For the first time in almost 10 months I had a really heavy talk. It was a very difficult talk to have. There was a lot of hurt that was resurfaced, and memories that I had tucked away that were brought to the forefront of things. I mean, at one point in my life I was prepared for these kind of talks where someone's life hangs in the balance. I remember always being terrified whenever i was brought into one of those talks. And last night, the terror re-entered. Every life is beautiful and should be lived to its fullest. And it is just scarey to know that someone's life depends on how the talk goes. And whether or not they will attempt to take their own life again in the future. I can count on one hand still the number of times I have been thrust into these situations. And last nights affected someone so dear to me that I was myself on the verge of tears. The nausea was sweeping through me. And there I was, trying to pound away that the past is the past, let it be a part of who you are, and not let it dictate your life. Trying to show that there is a life that is to be lived. A life meant to be lived.

I wish I never in my life would ever have to encounter such situations as suicide and attempts. But alas I have. I have seen the effects that the suicide of a person can have on their friends, family, and peers. It shakes people's foundations. To know that there is such sadness in a person's life that they would rather end it, than endure it. Attempts are just as traumatizing. Nothing worse than getting that phone call that so-and-so is in the hospital becuase they swallowed a bottle, or was found hanging off the stairs. And then there is the terrifying talks where someone is close to attempting....again...

I never want to be thrust into such a situation ever again. I didn't want to endure it last night. But I care so much for the lives of others that I will drop everything if they trully need it and be there for them. I love everyone in my life. Your lives are all precious to me. And know that I am always here for you...

I don't know what I am trying to get at today. Perhaps the selfishness of those who take their lives for they will never know the damage and destruction that they have left behind for those that are still living. Perhaps it is the fact that no matter how dark and gloomy life is, the sun will come out eventually. A new dawn will break. And perhaps, most of all, that people should get out, and enjoy life and all that it offers. Life is a beautiful thing. Who knows what lays around the corner. Life is a never ending story. And there upon the rainbow is the answer to the never-ending story. Don't dream it! Be it!

But promise me all of you...that you will ever reach the point in life where you feel that it is better to end it, than to trudge onwards...life always gets better. I have seen proof that it does. I have seen a close friend of mine go from being in the hospital after her 6th suicide attempt (one that almost succeeded except her family came home) to a woman today who is happy, and out enjoying everything that life has to offer. Trust me, at 15,16,17, and even 18...you have not experienced what life has to offer. High School will end, so push on through. I have not yet experienced all that life has to offer and i look forward to seeing what is just beyond the horizon. Life is daunting and frightening. But I do not try to let myself get so down that I feel that there is no way out. Perhaps it is just because I am just a happy go lucky, oh look the sky is blue, ditzy kind of guy who looks for joy in even the smallest things. Perhaps I am naive. But every person has their own problems and issues in life. Everyone has experienced anger, sorrow, sadness and depression...but things will get better.

Anyways. Dream as if you'll live forever, live as if you were going to die tomorrow.

Make it count.

Ciao bellas.

This is Drew signing out.