Tuesday, September 14, 2004

What has happened

There once was a time in my life when I was a very into Christianity and into Jesus. I loved Church and going to Church and singing the songs of praise. I would dance and was extremely active in it. I was sent off to Belize to do missionary work, I was sent off to Notre Dame University to attend a Catholic Youth Conference. I was a key player in the retreats and I loved every moment of it. I would wear four different Christian bracelets to school and attended Bible Study every week. And even then that wasn't enough so I became an online member of three different bible studies. I studied the bible, read it cover to cover and certain books I read time after time. I really loved praying and did so every night. I bought numerous Christian CD's and read the Left Behind Series, getting more and more excited for Jesus. And then in March of 2004, something snapped. Something cracked. I don't know if it was one thing particularily, but whatever happened, I quickly collapsed Spiritualy. I had spent two years of my life building and preparing myself up to be a charasmatic christian and a contagious christian. I bugged everyone in my class to read the bible or to come to church with me. I mean I was a religious nut. I lived and breathed it. But something happened as I said. I cracked. And within weeks I had totally collapsed spritiualy. Why do I bring this up now? Well for one thing I feel dead inside. I recognize this feeling as the same one I felt when i went through my desertification period of my spiritual life. I was being tested day and night and I came through, but barely. I was exhauseted after that period of my life. And I know as a christian that many go through waves, ups and downs on our spiritual life. I had gone through that also many times. I was so happy during that time. In fact I was so happy all the time that people actually got annoyed at me for being so cheerful and happy all the time. I never had any bad days or bad moments at all. And yet at this point I am so fragile and weak. My emotions are on a roller coaster. I really cannot bear it anymore. I am taking this to be a sign that I need t get back to what I left. But now there are so many questions. Who was Jesus? What ever happened during those 18 years that he disappeared from the bible? (between 12 and 30) there are many unanswered questions I have about Christianity. I know a founding principle of that religion is that one does not have to see to believe. I am not like that. Do I believe in a God? Of course I do. The vessel that carried that belief is broken, yet what was on the inside, the actual belief. That spark within my soul is still there, oh it will never leave. Yet what kind of new vessel do I want to place this belief in? What shapre or form? I am a Hindu, I am a Muslim. Everyone is born a Hindu, and anyone who submits before the will of God is a Muslim. I do submit before God. Yet who is He or She? Did God really manifest in Jesus Christ? Or was that something that the Early Christians twisted. Do I believe Jesus walked this Earth? Oh yes. Do I believe that he preformed Miracles? Oh yes. But so did Moses. What about Buddah? All of them were Earthly manifestations of a higher being. There really is n doubting it. But which one is right? Or is there no right? Or all they all right? What is the way to God? What is the true way to the Almighty Ruler of the Heavens? The Bible is absolutly fantastic. As is the Quran and the Bhagavad Gita. But can I believe in all three? Do I have to necessarily pick out one religion to believe and follow? Or can I be a bit of everything? If anything I identify most cloesly with Christianity. I believe that there is way too much going on for Jesus to just be any old guy who got Crucified. No there definetly is something more. The chances for just any 8 out of the 300 prophecies made directly about the Messiah to come true and be manifested in one person is astronomical, something like 1 in 120 million. Yet Jesus Christ fulfilled 328 of the prophecies made about the Messiah in the Old Testament. Do the Math. I now see. The facts are as clear as day now that it is written out. I don't need any proof to tell me about God and Truth. I just have to look at the sunset and I believe. There is a heaven and we cannot enter it on our own terms. These terms were set out hundreds of years ago by a power much higher than us. No matter what I do, I must be held accountable to my actions. I am a Christian. I am a Jew. I am a Muslim. I am a Hindu. I am a Buddhist. I bellieve that there is a higher power. And I believe that all religions will lead us and point us back to one common point. There is a God. He is ruling over this domain. And it does not really matter which vessel we carry our belief in as long as we believe, for if all roads lead back to him, then so be it. To each his own. I do believe. AND THAT IS ALL THAT MATTERS IN THE END! ciao.


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