Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Single & Fabulous...?

Ah yes, a name paying homage to that infamous episode of my cosmopolitan bible, aka, Sex and the City, season 2 episode...4 or 5(?) The Question mark issue. Or, in this case, questioning the questioning itself. I seem to be in a stalemate sort of state right now, especially in the relationship department. Well, it is not like there is any sort of relationship taking place, but there is certainly the groundwork there for one to potentially rise from. It would seem however that at this rate, well, I don't have a flipping clue as to where this thing could possibly go at this rate. I dislike mixed signals so much. Or maybe there are no mixed signals and me being the typical me, is just over examining every single detail that i have just thrown myself into a never ending loop. Sounds just like a very bad record that happens to have a scratch. Fuck I say. This is a grand problem. Here is Roo talking about fucking relationships again. As that infamous shirt says...Your lips are moving but all I hear is blah, blah, blah. I am sorry that yet again I am stuck here at four in the fucking morning ranting about those blasted RAWR AUGH!!!!

I am just so fed up playing the waiting and seeing game. I don't like games, especially when they involve my head, my emotions, and my heart. I try to show little signs of affection, but to me they seem to go un-noticed, so why should I spend the time then?! I can only put in some much before I expect something in return...I don't know...I just wish I knew what was going on in other peoples minds when it comes to this. That way I know I am not wasting my time pursuiting something that may never take off...Agh this is so incredibly frustrating!!!! Is it so hard to go on a second date? Is it so hard to send a text message? Is it so hard to show something back? Just to reassure me that my feelings are not falling on deaf ears? I said straight from the beginning that I can't do games. And I am sorry if he doesn't know how to reciprocate those feelings, but at least talk to me, let me know what is going on.

It is just that, I feel like I have been down this road so many times before, and I am sick of this bull shit. Is it so hard really? I need to know now before I invest more of my energies into this. I gamble, I put everything on the line, but this time, I am more scared then ever before of being hurt. So, I am being a lot more cautious. If things go sour, I want to be able to be fine in a week and be able to say that I am Single & Fabulous...Exclamation Mark (!!!!!!!!!!!)well int his case exclamation marks. I am fabulous, and I seem to have the looks too, according to some...but truth be told...

As fabulous as being single is...I don't want to be single. I want to be Dating & Fabulous!

Yes, these days it is more my thoughts than anything else being put down here, but this seems to be the only way I can lay out my thoughts, and sort through them myself. Who needs a therapist when you have a blog. I may be psycho, but at least I am Psycho & Fabulous...


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