Monday, October 23, 2006

I alone.

I'm not copping out.
I just feel so alone these days.
I don't know if it is because I am still looking for that someone that I can be with. Or is it because I am seperating myself from some of my friends and forcing us to say good bye to each other. I don't know. I am someone who really needs to constantly be with people to keep friendships going. That is why distance makes tings so hard sometimes. But I am trying to ground myself and not go out with so many different friends because it just gets too hard sometimes. That is why I am trying to get back to those friends I have had for five, six, seven years. But by that same token, there are some people who have only come into my life in the last few months who are so amazing, and who I get along with so well that I see myself being friends with them long down the road...well I at least hope so. Because this is where the pessimistic side of me comes in saying that since every one of my good or best friends has left or gone elsewhere that I will never have that. Even Devon is hard to find these days, ever since he started hanging out with his new boy I rarely see him, and if I do see him it is for like maybe two hours max...which is a far far cry from just last month when we would spend five or six days straight with each other. But by that same token maybe a break like this will be really really good for us. To allow us to go out and make new connections and new friends. Though I am not gonna lie, I really don't want more friends right now in my life. I am trying so hard to nuture the ones that have just been established and trying to get some of the older friendships to bud again. Though it is taking a huge amount of effort. But by that same token there is no reason for me to be feeling like this. It is so unfounded, and I just do not get it. I love my school. I love my friends. I love where my life is going right now. The only real concern is money, but I mean, when is that not an issue with someone? I have enough to eat. I have parents who love me. I have people that are willing to listen to me talk until 6am cuz I really need to get some things off my chest. I will say this, it is nice to be able to blog again, as this is a sort of therapy for me. It allows me to get my thoughts out and try to understand how I really feel and what is really going through my mind.
Well, I think I am done for now. Cheers and ciao all.


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