Monday, March 20, 2006

So I sit here...

And wonder how life became the way it is...

I sit here looking back on the past six months...especially the last three, and I think...what do I have to show for it? Nothing.

Sure I had some fun times...but really...what did I do with my time? myself? Why did I let myself fall the way I did?

Where did my drive? my energy go?

Why do I feel so...so...lost?

I bitch about my life...but what am I doing to help myself? to make things right? I have myself so tangled up I don't even know where to begin in un-tying myself. It's times like these that I am glad I don't get anything out of self mutilation, but I do end up doing some psychological self mutilation if that makes any sense.

Ladies and Gentleman.

You have now witnessed some of my fall from my pedestal.

And it fucking sucks.

The last few months I have written off. And so is the next month. Perhaps I can start to make a change in the coming semester.

But I also sit here...and wonder...where are my friends? Where is my connection to the years before when I did have goals, drive, and the will to do so!? Man, maybe I am crazy. Mentally beating myself up is no way to go about it...but yet I am doing so. Hopefully tomorrow will help.

Aha! A clue! I have lost touch with my roots. With my friends that I have known since forever. Those that I connect with so easily. What I have done is that I have over stretched myself, trying to be too much for too many people. I am constantly double booking myself, and I just can;t do it anymore. I need to retreat to my bubble of having four best friends, a circle of close friends, and a tiny circle of friends and aquantinces. I have lost touch my with roots as i said, and I am pretty sure that has a lot to do with how I am feeling right now. Which is lost, weightless, floating through life.

So here is hoping for a better tomorrow...oh god, let there be a better tomorrow...otherwise, i dunno what i will do!

Stupid Gemini!

1 Comments:

At 11:23 PM, Blogger danirae said...

andrew, i agree that we need to reconnect. i miss you LOTS! it's my b-day on april 7th and you must be there. or suffer the consequences. haha. buti hope things get better, i will call you this week sometime. love you,

Danielle

 

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