Thursday, November 02, 2006

What is it with me and...

I would like to come to understand why it is I go for the people whom I have absolutely no chance with. I know a number of people who do this. Is it just human nature? Is this what the modern hunt has come down to? Trying to catch the uncatchable partner? And when we do, even as we are pursuiting, we know we are only going to end up hurting in the end. Yet we still pursuit. Why? The classic saying goes that a crush usually ends up doing that to oneself, crushing us in the end. To us, they seem perfect, the perfect partner, mate, free from all vice and sin. Yet from someone else on the outside looking in, a number of alarming issues arise. They warn, yet we do not heed, or if we do, we put it on the back burner and continue on with the chase. I find myself in this situation right now. Crushing after someone who I obviously should not be going for. Yet I want to, and am, in the most subtle of ways of course. An invite here, a free ticket there. Wrapping them up ever so slowly into the palm of my hand. I shouldn't, but I do. Even though i know it is a losing battle. I've already been hurt once. Was it not enough? Why am I going back for more? Perhaps it is because I am masochistic in this way, hurting myself emotionally. I see them as being perfect. Yet my closest of friends has told me since day one that there is something they distrust in them. Something as they said "sketchÿ" about them. keep him as a friend, not a lover. Yet I continue down this path. Even as a friend I know I will be hurt. Yet even as a friend I pursuit. The modern hunt is in full swing. Emotionally, physically, and fairly pyschologically as well in a sense. So much put into this, with absolutely no output. I should stop this chase. I want to now. Yet as soon as I see them I know I won't. Perhaps it is time to seperate myself. But I don't want to, and so I won't.


At 5:27 p.m., Blogger danirae said...

andrew, i miss you. really i do. thats all i wanted to say. i still love you lots and wish you nothing but the best, even though life may not be all that you want it to right now. take care of youself and i will chat with you soon.
forever, Danielle


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