Saturday, November 06, 2004

Wasn't easy

That was by far one of the worst days and nights of my life. Shit. I mean everyone knew he was leaving. For Good. And so that was why Melissa and I went out to the airport to send off her best friend, and one of my best buds, Cameron. But still, it wasn't easy. After saying our good-byes and all, Cameron and his Dad turned and walked down that hallway, and Melissa and I turned and walked in the opposite direction. Neither of us looked back, but as soon as she turned around, that's when it hit her. He's gone. That was tough to see. I've never known such a strong character like Melissa before, and to see her raw emotions bubble to the surface, it was hard. I dropped her off at school, and she looked like she was going to be ok. The rest of my day was a blur. But Natasha and I had made plans to go to the Night Gallery so I headed to her place, and for a good two hours we sat on her porch and just talked. I mean she was asking for some advice in certain areas and i tried my best, it was a hard conversation to have, but she held up pretty good through it all.'s so tough to be a Gemini-Cancer at times. Curses! To be so insecure, and that unfortunate ability to forget someone really fast. Sorry, few of you will understand what that was all about. Anyways, so at like sometime after 11 we were finally dragged to the Night Gallery. Natasha and I went to grab some pizza first, we talked some more and then headed in. We stayed for about an hour and then we called up Melissa to see what was going on, and found out she was still at Brewsters so we then headed there. Oh god, walking into Brewsters and seeing Melissa was hard. She was so upset, there were tears constantly welling up in her eyes. And then as soon as we sat down with her, she broke down. Oh it was hard, so hard to see. And the only thing she was saying was "He's gone, he is finally fucking gone...fuck...after all those cop-outs, he's finally left...I can't believe he's just gone" Oh it was so hard, i've had people cry on my shoulders before, but this was something different, this was genuine grief. And then Natasha was trying to stay strong through it tough...we got a pitcher of beer, and some some shots of Jager and then toasted Cameron. Melissa and I did the toast Cameron always would say "Bottoms up, bottoms down, here's to beer and not queers" and as soon as we finished, Melissa was a wreck again. The rest of the night was pretty much like that. And when i dropped Melissa off, Natasha and I walked her to the front door. And then the crying began all over again. Oh the poor isn't easy, it really isn't. And the one thing that Melissa said to me, that really got to me, was the fact that the people meeting Cameron at the airport this morning weren't his lifelong friends...and that was tough to hear and realize. No wonder Cameron left, i would too...anyways, i'm done. I just needed to write this out, kinda like therapy for me in a way, cuz comforting Melissa and Natasha was not easy at was hard. And when every single fucking song playing on the radio is appropriate and relevant to everything, hard. Anyways, i must go, i have nothing left to say. Walk on i guess, life will go on, but there definetely is a hole in the three of our lives now. Ciao...

Bottoms up, Bottoms down.......Cheers Cameron!


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