Wednesday, January 05, 2005

The mood that passes through me

"I can feel it, coming back again, like a rolling thunder chasing the wind..."
So I am completely mellow at the moment, so much so that I think i feel a bit of depression moving in. Playing some lightning crashes by Live right now, and I seem to be just sinking lower and lower. I don'w know why. Life is good. Life is actually grand. But why do I feel this way? Like, wow. I can't remember the last time I felt this. Not bitter, but actually depressed. It pains me. How can i possibly go from such a high to such a low? This is rare, but when it hits...

*Disclaimer Note*

I am not suicidal.

I feel as though I am just floating through life.
Unfeeling.
Emotionaless
Nothing.
I feel nothing. Nothing to live for. Nothing to keep me going.
I live a very good life. I have awesome friends. Awesome Friends who love me, and whom I love in return. Though I do not say it to them. I really do love all of them. All of you.
But I mean, if I was struck down by a car tomorrow, I would not be upset if I died. I mean, I have accomplished everything I have ever wanted to do.
So why go on?
I feel like I am already dead. Cold. I feel this bubble within my chest right now, and as it rises, the pressure i feel increases, the emotional pressure that is. This emotion of nothing. Have I just shrugged things off for too long now? Is it all finally catching up to me?
No. No. No.
This is me. This is me at my most bare, my most susceptible. I am laying my soul out here at the moment. Yet through the clouds...I can see the sun. The bright rays are piercing the clouds. I can feel myself rising at the moment. Being elevated back up. The weight is lifting...going...dissipating.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Higher and Higher i am flying now. People come and people go. Just remember the good times that have been shared. Yes, they may not be here in six months for whatever reasons, but just remember the good times that were spent together. The nights out. The heart to hearts. The plans that were made, the dreams that were molded. The sun will always come out again. The winter will always melt into spring. New life will sprout where old life was buried. It's a beautiful day. Don't let it get away. Haha...life is grand. I love it. Wow. I have been blessed with such an amazing life. Great Friends, Great Moments, Great Memories. And in the end, the fact that I lived a good life, a happy life is all that matters to me.
Anyways, there are some peopl whom I need to talk to. Ciao!

*There is a reason why this was called the mood that passes through me...this is how i live...Fleeting moments of deep emotion...both good and bad...*

**By fleeting, things may last half an hour while other things will last for months at a time**

5 Comments:

At 11:08 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Andrew, you have been listening to me FAR, FAR too much.

We only need on indifferent maytar, even if they are across the country.

 
At 11:54 AM, Blogger Roo said...

Jen? That you? Hmmm...i'm kinda mystified by yer comment, whoever you are...especially that second line...i dunno if they were typos, but i don't really understand it...ah well

 
At 12:01 PM, Blogger Roo said...

To clarify matters as well...i don't usually feel that nothingness...that was what i was feeling at the moment of me writing this entry. However, by the end, the tone and attitude of the post does revert back to my usual writing as my mood greatly improved from when i first began my entry.

 
At 11:46 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Jackass. That help?
Naw, its, C-Dawger.


I need a new name to sign on ppls journals.

 
At 11:46 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

And thats one, not on

 

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